This is for the men, but you ladies might want to pay attention as you can fall prey to one of these women too, through a male child or man in your life, or even directly. To the Tsunami Woman, anyone who serves her purposes for the moment is fair game and they are not just the stuff of myth and soap opera. I’m writing about this because I presently know not one, but TWO men whose lives, along with the lives of everyone connected to them, have been turned upside down by such a woman. One of those men has some relief – the tsunami woman he was unfortunate enough to marry has finally gone too far and is facing possible prison time, but she isn’t in prison yet and he and the women in his family who are her most frequent targets still live their lives drawing the curtains, double checking to be sure the the house is kept locked tight at all times and looking over their shoulder – this while living out in the country where such things are not supposed to be necessary. The other man I know in this situation is still simply trying to survive.
In intimate relationships false claims of domestic abuse are one of the Tsunami Woman's favorite weapons. Anyone who has witnessed one of these incidents can attest to the fact that false claims of domestic violence are a form of abuse in themselves, and yes, they do happen. They are a sneak attack where success depends on a court system inclined to uphold the rights of one group more than another. One of the most horrible experiences that any person can endure in a civilized society is to be a victim of a crime and then have the very system that should provide protection and relief instead assist the perpetrator in furthering the damage. If, for the sake of protecting women, you choose to err on the side of believing the female in matters of a domestic dispute when the evidence clearly points to a greater aggression on the part of the female partner, you have created a system in which the Tsunami Woman will thrive. Do know her victims will not be confined to the few unfortunate males she targets. The victims of domestic abuse do not live in a vacuum and the damage done extends to many. By denying a man protection from a false accuser, you create a dangerous environment for every person who is closely connected to that one man. That one act of tipping the scales of justice, no matter how well intentioned it might be, will harm many and may even put multiple people in danger.
If you haven’t heard the term “Tsunami Woman” before it is because I just made it up for a kind of woman I have become far too familiar with lately. We have all crossed paths with a Tsunami Woman at some point in our lives. For some, like my doctor in Los Angeles, such an encounter turned deadly. He and his wife were the kind of people who could restore your faith in humanity no matter how bad your day had been before an appointment at his office. None of us knew the private hell these people were living until he was shot to death on the sidewalk outside the medical clinic where he worked by an ex wife who had been actively stalking him for two years. During those years of being stalked and threatened he desperately tried to get help, but his ex played a good victim. She was a classic Tsunami Woman. Even after she shot and killed him in cold blood she still continues to play the victim. These women do this so consistently and convincingly that women who really are victims can not match their perfected and carefully scripted performance and so, actual victims of actual abuse frequently find themselves shunted aside while a Tsunami Woman uses all the resources of law enforcement to exact her revenge against someone who at some time said "no" to her.
This kind of woman is a master of manipulation of good and decent people. Who doesn’t like being a hero? Knowing you have saved another person from being victimized results in a pleasurable feeling of competence and control. These women know this and they utilize it. A Tsunami Woman knows humans are hard-wired to understand that any woman will, at times, need care and special attention – we do bear children and we are physically not as strong as a man, so the natural instinct is to protect us. But the Tsunami Woman takes her status as a woman and turns it into a “get out of jail free” card.
Men sometimes thank me when I point out the reality of this kind of woman, thinking I am standing up for them. I am not – I am standing up for all of us who are trying to live our lives in peace. In the end, the Tsunami Woman does as much harm to women and children as she does to men, either through "crying wolf" so many times the legitimate cases of rape or domestic violence that come after her have difficulty being believed – or, where children are involved, through extreme acts of Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP) – or through the very real victimization of their target’s relatives and associates. Quite frankly, I am tired of them. Their drama, their perpetual demands, their constant accusations are repetitive in the extreme, they cause very real harm and we really have better things to do than to deal with someone like that.
The fact that a woman is very good at getting other people to help her does not indicate she is a Tsunami Woman; it simply means she is a nurturer. People connected to such a woman tend to thrive. Tsunami Women may have good people skills, but only to the point of getting what they want. Any nurturing or compassion they show is an act, and these women are such accomplished actresses their fake is frequently more believable than the genuine. They aren’t just homemakers – they are diligent and caring homemakers, only their house is a mess. They aren’t just good mothers – everything they do is for the sake of their children, only their children do not thrive. They aren’t just good partners – they are the perfect lover who can stroke a man’s ego till he really does believe he’s superman, only he's no longer his own man. As the Tsunami Woman gets older her past becomes littered with the mutilated lives of friends that have fled, resentful grown children and multiple discarded, used-up "supermen."
Any person who deals with one of these women can see the truth if they look clearly, but the tsunami woman is a master at gauzing the lens. She does not target a man’s “small head” as is so commonly assumed. This is not a gender-specific predator – men, women and children are all at risk when in the company of such a woman. The vulnerable spot she services with skill and dexterity is ego, which is why both men and women can be brought to believe her and children can be convinced to lie for her despite (or perhaps because of) how good she can make them feel if they please her and how badly they know they will feel if they disappoint her. If you want to feel good around this kind of woman then do as you are told, exactly as you are told - make sure that you anticipate her every need and you will be the best, most awesome offspring, lover, friend or neighbor ever! If you wish to maintain a relationship with such a person and you notice a few red flags (no one hooks up with a Tsunami Woman without ignoring some very clear red flags) you might want to move to Stepford.
If the people she has “helped” are now in her past she will also point out how ungrateful the recipients of her largess have been. This woman’s past is filled with an inordinate number of “ungrateful” people who misused and abused her. Anyone can mistakenly stumble into an abusive relationship, but for a normally social person, good experiences with people far outweigh the bad and they are fully aware and ashamed of their own transgressions. The Tsunami Woman, however, is "always faithful, always truthful" – and she will remind you of this over and over. It is all those other people who have lied to her, harmed her and betrayed her. It is never her. If she does take any responsibility in what has happened in any broken relationship it will be in the form of an admission that she shouldn't have trusted that person. It's never anything that she did - it's always that she trusted someone else and they did something awful to her - which justifies everything that she does against that person from that point on.
If you have ever escaped such a woman, you are the bad guy. All the while, her real-time ego stroking of her latest targets is accomplished through portraying herself as a serial victim bravely struggling forward and in need of your help and protection. She will tell her present-time associates they are different, they may be someone within the legal system, her friends, family, children or lover, but they are always her savior. Hindsight examination of her actions toward those closest to her will reveal that all that delightful ego stroking was covertly accompanied by multiple hidden pricks simultaneously deflating that same ego. This leaves her victims confused and more easily manipulated. In the beginning of any relationship with such a woman those pricks are so slight, they are barely noticed and easily explained away, but they have a cumulative effect.
Research in domestic violence has shown that one of the signs of a mate who could turn abusive is an instant, overbearing love of the one they will eventually abuse. Tsunami Women abuse their partners mentally, sometimes physically and in the end through the legal system, but they also take advantage of friends, coworkers – anyone who they feel could be handy in their life. These women form hard, fast friendships in an instance and quickly become demanding of their new friend's time and attention. A normally social and caring person will interpreted such behavior as insecurity and will at first try to accommodate this sort of woman; though they find her needy, that neediness she has for them does provide an ego boost, and thus they are caught into an abusive relationship. When the actions of a Tsunami Woman become clear, just as with female victims of an abusive male partner, those who are looking at the progression of what was done wonder at the gullibility of the target. In fact, any sociable person can be temporarily fooled by this woman. I have been more than once.
This type of woman is especially dangerous and can create far more damage than a violent and abusive man for two reasons. First: Her violence at the beginning is seldom overt or easily detectable and frequently her victim is not believed. Second: In an attempt to compensate for a past lack of protection for legitimately abused and/or assaulted women, our present legal handling of domestic violence and our way of talking about and administering justice for victims of domestic violence heavily favors women. The most unfortunate part of this is female victims of rape or domestic abuse and/or assault by men flounder and have no understanding of the system that they are going to need to gain help and maybe protection, which frequently results in such victims getting help too late or not seeking help at all.
Tsunami Women have no such problem. They know the system well and they know how to manipulate it. Any man who attempts to bring them to justice is in danger of having abuse or harassment charges leveled against him as well. This is a dangerous character to deal with and taking her on is not for the timid or faint of heart – it is a frustrating and too often unsuccessful undertaking. And so, she often walks among us, free, while those she uses, abuses and casts aside strive to avoid further contact with her at all costs. The men who have been her husbands find that when there are children involved it is impossible to escape her revenge. She will torture the father of her children through those children, handicapping their emotional future by mentally manipulating them against their father. Children held hostage in such fashion begin to fail badly and it is not uncommon for a man to give up and walk away in the hopes that his absence will prevent further abuse. This woman is adept at wreaking vengeance and no one is off limits as a tool to exact her revenge.
If you extrapolate out all the damage caused by such a woman through compromised partners, people connected to those partners, abused and damaged children, people who are or will be connected to those children throughout their adult life, the clogging of our courts with vindictive demands for restraining orders or false accusations of domestic violence or even molestation and a general loss of faith in our justice system’s ability to protect the innocent from the guilty, you will find the amount of damage that this one person can cause is truly staggering. Recognizing and properly handling a Tsunami Woman would be the first step to a more peaceful existence for society as a whole.
The above assessment is what I have found through observation, both subjective and objective over a period of years. I have seen these women, I have seen their victims and I have seen the ongoing carnage. It is time for the existence of such a woman to be recognized and dealt with. They have done enough damage. Ordinary people trying to make their way through an already difficult world do not need, nor do they deserve, what this kind of woman will produce in their lives. It is time for those she targets and victimizes who are currently being rendered invisible by a society that insists women are victims and men perpetrators to stand up and declare that we do have rights. The right to a peaceful existence belongs to us. We are the creators of a productive and harmonious society.
